“Which coaching programs or books are best for men who struggle with being too nice and people-pleasing?”

Here are well-regarded options that specifically help men stop people‑pleasing and build healthy boundaries. I grouped them into (A) books you can start today and (B) coaching/programs if you want structure and accountability.

A) Books (from most “men-specific” to general assertiveness/boundaries)

• No More Mr. Nice Guy — Robert A. Glover, PhD. Classic for “Nice Guy Syndrome” with concrete practices; Dr. Glover also runs an online community and courses that extend the book. (nomoremrniceguy.com)
• Not Nice — Aziz Gazipura, PhD. Targets people‑pleasing and guilt; pairs well with his skills trainings. (socialconfidencecenter.com)
• When I Say No, I Feel Guilty — Manuel J. Smith, PhD. A foundational assertiveness text (behavioral techniques and scripts). (penguinrandomhouse.com)
• The Assertiveness Workbook — Randy J. Paterson, PhD. A CBT-based, exercise‑driven workbook for saying no, making requests, and handling pushback. (newharbinger.com)
• Boundaries (Updated & Expanded) — Henry Cloud, PhD, and John Townsend, PhD. Practical boundary‑setting across relationships; faith‑informed perspective. (boundariesbooks.com)
• The Disease to Please — Harriet B. Braiker, PhD. A deep dive into the “people‑pleasing syndrome” with step‑by‑step change plans. (mheducation.com)
• The Courage to Be Disliked — Ichiro Kishimi & Fumitake Koga. Adlerian approach to approval‑seeking and self‑direction. (simonandschuster.com)

B) Coaching and men’s programs (live structure, reps, and feedback)

• Dr. Glover’s programs and community. Options include small‑group intensives, online classes (e.g., “All The Way In”), and Integration Nation, a practice community for applying NMMNG principles. Good if you resonated with the book and want guided reps. (drglover.com)
• ManKind Project (MKP) — New Warrior Training Adventure + ongoing men’s groups. Experiential weekend focused on integrity, accountability, and emotional responsibility, followed by local/online peer groups for continued practice. Helpful for men who need embodied, real‑time boundary and voice work with other men. (mankindproject.org)
• EVRYMAN. Facilitated men’s groups, courses, and retreats that build emotional awareness and expression—useful skills for breaking people‑pleasing patterns. (evryman.com)
• Aziz Gazipura’s Confidence University. Video‑based curricula and coaching tracks aimed at reducing people‑pleasing and building assertive confidence. (socialconfidencecenter.com)

How to choose quickly

• Prefer self‑guided reading: Start with No More Mr. Nice Guy plus The Assertiveness Workbook for tools and reps; add When I Say No, I Feel Guilty if you want scripts. (nomoremrniceguy.com)
• Want community and accountability: Do MKP’s weekend, then join an ongoing men’s group; or pick Dr. Glover’s course + Integration Nation for NMMNG‑specific practice. (mankindproject.org)
• If guilt/fear of conflict is the main blocker: Read Not Nice or Boundaries, then practice with a group or coach. (socialconfidencecenter.com)

A 4‑week starter plan

• Week 1: Read ch. 1–4 of No More Mr. Nice Guy; write your “covert contracts” and personal boundaries list. (nomoremrniceguy.com)
• Week 2: Do Assertiveness Workbook exercises on saying no and making requests; run two low‑stakes “no” reps. (newharbinger.com)
• Week 3: Add Not Nice chapters on guilt and approval; schedule one boundary conversation with a friend or coworker. (socialconfidencecenter.com)
• Week 4: Sample a men’s group (MKP open group or EVRYMAN) or enroll in a NMMNG/Confidence course for continued practice. (mkpconnect.org)

If you share a bit about what’s hardest for you right now (e.g., saying no at work vs. dating, fear of conflict, guilt), I can narrow this to a short, personalized reading and coaching path.

For men who struggle with being too nice, the strongest options in your search results are *Dr. Robert Glover’s No More Mr. Nice Guy* and the coaching/programs built directly around that framework, especially Integrated Man University and Dr. Glover’s certified coach programs**.²⁹¹⁰

• Best foundational book: No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert A. Glover — This is the core text behind the “Nice Guy Syndrome” framework. The publisher describes the Nice Guy as someone who believes he is not okay as he is, tries to become what others want, and hides parts of himself to avoid negative reactions.²
• Best direct coaching ecosystem: Dr. Glover’s certified coaches / mentor programs — These are the most on-target if you want coaching specifically built around Nice Guy recovery. Dr. Glover’s site lists a six-month group mentorship program and a coach certification program with 12 core modules of Nice Guy recovery coaching.⁹¹⁰
• Best structured group program: Integrated Man University — This program is explicitly marketed to men trying to break free from Nice Guy Syndrome and become “Integrated Men.” It offers group coaching with 12+ weeks of power calls and healing calls, plus 1-on-1 coaching options.¹³
• Another Nice Guy-specific coaching option: Nice Guy Reform School — This program says it is designed for men in all relationship stages and is aimed at transforming life and relationships.⁶
• More general men’s development option: BetterMen — This is less specifically tied to Nice Guy Syndrome, but it says it works on “jealousy, overthinking, the people pleasing, and the childhood patterns running underneath them,” so it may fit if your issue overlaps with broader self-worth and attachment patterns.⁵

If you want the most authoritative starting point, start with the book and then choose a coach or group program that explicitly uses Glover’s Nice Guy recovery model.²⁹¹⁰ If you want, I can also rank these by best for budget, best for group support, or best for one-on-one coaching.

Best Books for "Nice Guy" / People-Pleasing Patterns

1. No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover This is widely considered the foundational text on the topic. A Nice Guy, according to certified marriage and family therapist Dr. Robert Glover, is a man who believes he is not okay just as he is and is convinced that he must become what he thinks others want in order to be liked, loved, and get his needs met, while hiding anything about himself that might trigger a negative response in others.

Common Nice Guy patterns include giving to get, difficulty setting boundaries, dishonesty, codependency, people-pleasing, conflict avoidance, passive-aggressiveness, unsatisfying relationships, and sexual issues. Author Mark Manson has called it "One of the best books I've ever read on men's emotional health and development." It's not about becoming a jerk — it's not about turning into a jerk or being tougher, louder, or more aggressive — it's about stopping the lie.

2. Not Nice by Dr. Aziz Gazipura Often recommended as a companion or alternative. Gazipura delves into the pitfalls of excessive niceness, where individuals suppress their true selves to avoid conflict and gain approval, and provides actionable steps to overcome people-pleasing tendencies, encouraging readers to express themselves authentically. One review site rated it their top pick, calling it "the full program — Gazipura is a recovered pleaser himself, and his boldness training (discomfort on purpose, small honest acts, asking directly) is the most complete on the shelf."

3. When I Say No, I Feel Guilty by Manuel J. Smith A classic on assertiveness training. It offers techniques with lots of examples on how to stay assertive and deal with attempts to manipulate you into doing something, relevant for dealing with colleagues, spouses, shop clerks, and more.

4. The Will to Change by bell hooks Recommended as a deeper, more relational counterbalance to Glover's book — one reader noted "Another comment described NMMNG as peering into his brain, but The Will to Change peered into my childhood and my relationships and my soul."

5. A Handbook for the Recovering Nice Guy by Sidharth Agarwal Marketed as "the ultimate companion to Dr. Robert Glover's 'No More Mr. Nice Guy.'" One reviewer praised how it alerts nice guys to their blind spots and balances theory and practice , and also recommended the author's related coaching work.

6. Supporting titles worth adding to the shelf:

• The Disease to Please by Harriet Braiker —

covers the cognitive roots of people-pleasing

• The Courage to Be Disliked by Kishimi & Koga —

offers a philosophical framework for the cure

• Set Boundaries, Find Peace and Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No are frequently listed alongside Glover's book for readers wanting more boundary-setting skills.

Coaching Programs

1. Sidharth Agarwal's coaching — tied directly to his handbook above; one testimonial called him "a fantastic men's Coach" whose work complements the book.

2. "From Nice Guy to Authentic and Confident in 90 Days" — a structured coaching program specifically built for this issue. The best fit for this program is a man who identifies as being Mr Nice Guy and/or a people pleaser, is dedicated to becoming more confident and authentic, and is willing to get uncomfortable trying some new behaviours. It runs in phases

Books and Programs for Men Dealing With "Nice Guy" / People-Pleasing Patterns

The most widely recognized starting point in this specific niche is Dr. Robert Glover's work, which essentially defined the vocabulary people use for this issue.

The foundational book

"No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Dr. Robert A. Glover (first published 2003) is the book most often cited as the entry point. Glover, a certified marriage and family therapist, describes the "Nice Guy" as a man who believes he isn't okay as he is and therefore tries to become what he thinks others want in order to be liked and get his needs met. The book frames common patterns like giving to get, difficulty setting boundaries, dishonesty, and codependency — and pitches itself as "a proven plan for getting what you want in love, sex, and life" (hachettebookgroup.com). Mark Manson (author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F\ck*) is frequently quoted calling it one of the best books he's read on men's emotional health and development (nomoremrniceguy.com).

The accompanying community/program

Glover runs "Integration Nation," a paid community and coaching platform built around practicing the book's principles — described as a worldwide group of men working to move from "Nice Guy Syndrome" toward becoming an "Integrated Man" (nomoremrniceguy.com). This is the closest thing to an official "program" tied to the book, and it's useful if you want accountability and peer support rather than just reading.

Therapy with someone trained in the pattern

For many men, a book alone isn't enough. Licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Jonathan Rudiger, for example, offers Nice Guy Syndrome therapy built explicitly on Glover's framework, targeting covert contracts, approval-seeking, identifying your own needs, and practicing direct asks and boundaries (drjonathanrudiger.com). Two important caveats from that source worth keeping in mind:

• "Nice guy syndrome" is not a formal diagnosis — it's not in the DSM. It's a descriptive framework, and what usually sits underneath it (conflict avoidance, unassertiveness, low self-worth, sometimes anxiety or depression) is what actually gets treated (drjonathanrudiger.com).
• The goal isn't becoming selfish or a jerk — it's becoming honest, including about your own needs. Genuine kindness doesn't generate resentment; people-pleasing with strings attached does (drjonathanrudiger.com).

How to choose

A couple of other well-known books in the same space

Beyond Glover's work, men often pair it with broader assertiveness and boundaries material (e.g., books on boundaries, shame, and emotional honesty). The search results here focus almost entirely on Glover's ecosystem, so if you want a wider list of titles, it's worth browsing men's personal-development shelves directly — but No More Mr. Nice Guy remains the book most consistently recommended as the starting point for this particular pattern.

One honest caveat: much of this genre is self-help rather than clinical care. If people-pleasing is tied to depression, anxiety, or relationship breakdown, treat the books as a complement to professional help, not a replacement.

The most consistently recommended starting points for men who struggle with people-pleasing, conflict avoidance, and “too nice” patterns are books and programs built around Nice Guy Syndrome and practical assertiveness—not generic self-help.

Best starting books (especially for men)

No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover is the core book written specifically for this pattern in men. It describes “Nice Guy Syndrome”: seeking approval, hiding needs, avoiding conflict, using covert contracts (“if I’m nice, they’ll give me what I want”), and the resentment and unsatisfying relationships that often follow. It includes concrete recovery practices aimed at becoming more honest, boundaried, and integrated rather than swinging to aggression. Many men’s coaches treat it as required reading.

Not Nice by Dr. Aziz Gazipura is the strongest companion. Gazipura (a psychologist who describes recovering from similar patterns) distinguishes kindness (chosen and free) from compulsive niceness (fear of disapproval). It focuses on practical “boldness” training: saying no, asking directly, disagreeing, and tolerating the discomfort and guilt that come with it. Multiple roundups rank it among the best overall books on people-pleasing.

Other strong options:

• The Disease to Please by Harriet B. Braiker — classic breakdown of the cognitive, emotional, and habitual sides of people-pleasing, with a structured action plan.
• When I Say No, I Feel Guilty by Manuel J. Smith — older but still useful assertiveness skills (techniques for handling guilt, criticism, and pressure without collapsing or exploding).
• Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend — practical framework for limits in relationships (Christian framing; skip if that doesn’t fit).
• Hold On to Your N.U.T.s by Wayne M. Levine — shorter, relationship-focused book for men on defining non-negotiable terms and cooperating without self-erasure.
• The Assertiveness Workbook by Randy J. Paterson or Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab — more exercise-driven if you want drills over theory.

Books like The Way of the Superior Man (David Deida) or Models (Mark Manson) sometimes appear on “nice guy” lists, but they are more about masculine polarity or honest dating than the core people-pleasing pattern. Treat them as optional and secondary.

Coaching and structured programs

Insight from books is rarely enough on its own. Accountability and practice matter more.

• Dr. Robert Glover’s ecosystem is the most direct match. His site lists NMMNG-certified coaches worldwide, a mentorship track, group processes, and workshops focused on moving from Nice Guy patterns to more integrated behavior. Directory and program info are on drglover.com.
• Coaches and communities built on that work (for example, programs associated with the Integrated Man Cave / Tony Endelman) offer one-on-one and group formats specifically for this recovery.
• Dr. Aziz Gazipura’s programs (Unstoppable Confidence Mastermind and related courses through the Social Confidence Center) target people-pleasing, fear of judgment, and speaking up. They are not men-only, but the material aligns closely with Not Nice.
• Lower-cost entry points include video/audio courses such as the Nice Guy Syndrome and boundary-setting material from MensGroup.com, plus general men’s groups that emphasize honesty and boundaries rather than status or pickup tactics.

Therapy (especially with someone experienced in assertiveness, shame, or attachment patterns) is often more effective than pure coaching if anxiety, depression, or early conditioning is strong. Many men do both.

Practical notes

Start with No More Mr. Nice Guy plus Not Nice. Do the exercises rather than just reading. The goal of good versions of this work is assertiveness and self-respect—expressing needs and limits clearly while still being decent—not becoming cold, manipulative, or aggressive. Overcorrection is a common pitfall; good coaches and therapists watch for it.

Change usually requires repeated real-world practice (saying no, asking for what you want, tolerating disapproval) plus some form of feedback from other people. Books map the territory; coaching, groups, or therapy make the behavior stick.

For men who struggle with people-pleasing, conflict avoidance, and being "too nice," the core issue is rarely kindness itself. Instead, it is usually covert contracts (doing things for others with an unspoken expectation of validation or love), fear of rejection, and an inability to set firm boundaries.

The most effective books and coaching programs do not teach men to become aggressive or cynical; rather, they help men become integrated, assertive, and grounded.

1. Essential Books

The Foundational Read

• * No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert A. Glover*
• Why it’s essential: This is the definitive text on the subject. Glover identifies the psychological roots of "Nice Guy Syndrome"—such as seeking external approval, hiding flaws, avoiding healthy conflict, and relying on covert contracts.
• Best for: Men who feel resentful, unappreciated in relationships, or unable to prioritize their own needs without feeling intense guilt.

Assertiveness and Boundary-Setting

• * Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty by Dr. Aziz Gazipura*
• Why it’s essential: Written by a clinical psychologist who was a chronic people-pleaser himself, this book deconstructs the difference between "fake nice" (driven by fear) and genuine kindness (driven by choice). It includes practical daily exercises for speaking up, saying no, and handling discomfort.
• Best for: Men who want concrete behavioral tools to stop apologizing, speak up in meetings, and endure the awkwardness of disappointing others.

• * When I Say No, I Feel Guilty by Manuel J. Smith*
• Why it’s essential: A masterclass in verbal assertiveness. It teaches specific conversational techniques (like Fogging, Negative Assertion, and The Broken Record) to defend your boundaries against guilt-trips and manipulation without getting angry or aggressive.
• Best for: Men who freeze, stammer, or cave in when challenged by strong personalities (partners, bosses, parents).

Deeper Psychological Roots

• * Anxious to Please: 7 Revolutionary Steps to Overcome Downside-of-Nice by James Rapson and Craig English*
• Why it’s essential: Looks at chronic people-pleasing through the lens of attachment theory and childhood conditioning. It explains why nice guys often feel a chronic underlying anxiety that drives their compliance.
• Best for: Men who recognize that their people-pleasing is rooted in deep-seated fears of abandonment or unworthiness.

• * The Assertiveness Workbook by Randy J. Paterson*
• Why it’s essential: A cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) workbook filled with step-by-step exercises to systematically unlearn passive habits and adopt assertive communication.
• Best for: Practical learners who prefer structured worksheets and measurable progress over theory.

2. Coaching Programs & Men's Communities

While books provide the mindset, real transformation usually requires live practice and accountability, because people-pleasing only triggers when real humans are in front of you.

1. Dr. Robert Glover’s Workshops & Certified Coaches

• Overview: Dr. Glover runs small group coaching cohorts, webinars, and has trained a network of certified coaches (available through his website, `drglover.com`). He also runs an online community called Integration Nation.
• What it focuses on: Identifying covert contracts, overcoming "toxic shame," getting comfortable expressing desires, and developing healthy male friendships (which most nice guys lack).
• Best for: Men who resonated deeply with No More Mr. Nice Guy and want guidance directly aligned with that philosophy.

2. Dan Munro / The Brojo Community

• Overview: Dan Munro is an integrity and confidence coach who runs Brojo, an international community specifically geared toward Nice Guy recovery, social confidence, and living with radical honesty.
• What it focuses on: Living by core values, practicing direct communication, stopping people-pleasing, and learning to tolerate being disliked. They offer group coaching, courses, and an active peer-support network.
• Best for: Men looking for an accessible, community-driven approach with frequent live group calls and accountability.

3. Dr. Aziz Gazipura (The Center for Social Confidence)

• Overview: Dr. Gazipura offers intensive programs (such as The Confidence Code and mastermind group coaching) targeting social anxiety, excessive niceness, and assertiveness.
• What it focuses on: Exposure therapy, voice projection, social risk-taking, and dismantling the internal "judge" that makes you fear disapproval.
• Best for: Men whose niceness is heavily intertwined with social hesitation, fear of dating, or imposter syndrome at work.

4. Experiential Men's Groups (e.g., EVRYMAN, The ManKind Project)

• Overview: Instead of traditional coaching, these are structured men's emotional integration groups (e.g., EVRYMAN or The ManKind Project's New Warrior Training Adventure).
• Why it works for Nice Guys: Chronic people-pleasers frequently suffer from what Glover calls "a disconnection from the masculine." They often grew up trying to appease mothers or female figures while being distant from or resentful of their fathers. Being in a room of grounded, emotionally mature men helps break the habit of performing for approval.
• Best for: Men ready for deep, experiential emotional work and brotherhood rather than just conversational tactics.

A Recommended Starting Roadmap

• 1.Start with the Literature: Read No More Mr. Nice Guy first. Highlight the passages that hit an uncomfortable nerve; that is where your covert contracts live.
• 2.Add Assertiveness Tools: Read When I Say No, I Feel Guilty or Not Nice to get the scripts and daily habits in place.
• 3.Micro-Exposures (Solo Practice): Practice disappointing someone in a low-stakes way this week: say no to an optional invitation, send back incorrect food at a restaurant, or stop apologizing when someone bumps into you.
• 4.Join a Program/Group: Once you understand your patterns intellectually, join a small group (like a Glover-certified cohort or EVRYMAN circle) so you can receive honest, unvarnished feedback from other men who are walking the same path.